M

      That's how I live: I ponder over things in life, and people around me. I have urgent feelings to write novels, prose and poems. I used to keep a diary, all in English. I took the course in winter break and liked it a lot, since it was a language, but in a very different tone. And I knew you guys were always out there for me, even when I was hanging on a thread, feeling so lost and terrified of whom I'd become. You were there. I was thrilled to know everything would be just all right if I were myself. You made me believe that I was still naive, but matured at the same time. I was glad to have you all inside my life. You guys were so optimistic that even I, who had always been extreme, had the chance to overcome inner conflict. You did not run away, like someone did, and I really appreciated that, because I knew things would be much worse if it weren't for all of you to hold me, assuaged me and put yourself in tthe shoes.

     I cried when I received Rebecca's letter. She said so many stern things about me, and how she chose what she loved most in her life, even the pay wasn't what others deemed fine. I was a bit out of the situation (I checked the email when I was in course, haha, sorry, professor!) and often worried about who I would become. With all those nightmares, broken memories and ties inside, I had little room to breath. I was even immersed in all those tragedies, from Lithium to Everybody's Fool, I was excitement itself to see blood, hopelessness, and melancholy.

    I went to Danshiu and had I seated around the harbour, listening decently to the wave of sea. It reminded so much of the woods in Yang Ming, the roads in front of building I. The rustles of leaves were very similar to the sound of wave, tender and beautiful. Furtheremore, it reminded me of Rabindranath Tagore’s poem…

There little thoughts are the rustle of leaves; they have their whisper of joy in my mind. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

What you are you do not see, what you see is your shadow.

My wishes are fools, they shout across thy song, my Master. Let me but listen.

I cannot choose the best. The best chooses me. 

They throw their shadows before them who carry their lantern on their back.

That I exist is a perpetual surprise which is life. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

"We, the rustling leaves, have a voice that answers the storms, but who are you so silent?“

"I am a mere flower." 　　　　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

----------------------Stray Birds

    Now I finally understand, there’s no use of constraing myself, especially abstain from what I love most. I like to prove that even today; a soul of Renaissance can exist. I don’t want to deny all the passions again, like what I used to do. All the rules I had once set killed me and I was left feeble and lifeless. However, I regain every strength and courage when I flipped through poems, stories, columns, idp magazines and the list goes on. (I’m so engaged in reading!Wheeewwwwwww!)

Well, somehow knowing myself so well doesn’t seem to be a good thing, in that revival comes easily, and I bruise easily. Maybe that was also the reason of how I interacted with so many people naturally. I had no idea. This is me, an absolutely Gemini. I could not deny and limit all of those sounds inside.

   All the thanks to people around: Wei, Ann, Piglet, Anders, Monique, Synesthesia, RY.  I can bruise anytime, but I choose not to.