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I have lots of clothes, but because I moved a lot, I had to organize them. So I need to pick them very carefully, because living aboard, from one place to another, you cannot bring everything with you. When I sold them as vintage things, the low price made my heart bleed badly, also the postage is so high in Nordic country: a single box of clothes could be more than three thousand New Taiwanese Dollar (NTD). So it’s still better to pick carefully, buy what’s necessary, what is not.

我的衣服其實很多，但因為時常遷居，不得不整理，每件衣服得精挑細選，因為在國外生活，從一個地方到另一個地方，能帶走的實在不多，要賣的時候賣的價錢太低會讓心底淌血，而北歐郵寄費用又很高，一箱就超過三千元台幣，還是好好的挑選，該買的要買，不該買的不要買。

Usually at home I put on clothes that I wear on normal days. I like to put clothes in a row, from Monday to Sunday. I organize my clothes a week before. Since I exercised everyday, I had sports clothes for a week. It depends on what kind of sports I do on a specific day. Before I used to walk around the campus with my sports clothes, but due to sweating after sports, it’s easy to catch a cold when you do not take them off immediately. Hence, I decided to separate sports clothes and normal day clothes.

在家裡我只放上平日會用到的衣物，喜歡把一周的衣服放一排，從周一到周日，每天要穿什麼都大約想好，因為每天都要運動，所以運動服也有一周，根據當天運動的內容選擇，原本我是運動服穿著在學校走，但是由於運動結束後流汗，沒有馬上脫掉很容易感冒，我決定把運動服和平日衣物分開。

Usually I will put the clothes for the next season in the suitcase: winter in one, summer in another. As for spring or autumn, it depends on my mood and also the style of the clothes, so it will not take up too much space in the closet.

Facebook has been a big distraction for my work, either when I am writing articles or after teaching classes/clients. I found it annoying to get constant reminders of other people’s, including: where they were, how they felt, who they were with, what they were doing etc. At some point I got really disturbed and as I am easily affected by people, I’ve decided to log out Facebook.

Suddenly I felt so quiet and serene. It feels that I could breathe again, finally!

There were at times pictures of couples, weddings, babies and so on, which does not make me feel so comfortable. They were people I knew but not people that were my friends. Those pictures give me some sort of panic and anxiety. I couldn’t help comparing myself, I’m still single, I am not ready for marriage nor to have a baby, but those pictures just kept reminding me that I am different. 

Actually I really like the situation I am in, I’m full throttle for work, sports training and an amazing life. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with someone, get married or have babies. 

It just felt that the timing hasn’t come; however, all the newsfeed from Facebook were quite outrageous and explicit, like people posting their delivery pictures, baby vomiting, intimate couple pictures etc.   Also, people complaining about lives, critiquing people, cursing others etc. There were things I didn’t want to see but I was forced to see.  There were no “filter” on Facebook and that’s why all those information flooded in and took up my emotional space and time. 

Special thanks to Singapore turf club,YukataHouse, tasteofeverything

It was funny when I got the invitation, I didn't really have any clues of how it can be possible to wear yukata watching horse racing. Since I have never worn a yukata, probably would never in the future, I decided to give it a try. So the night before the event, I went to my friend’s house to try on the yukata. We watched the video while trying on. It took us sometimes to figure out the threads and foldings. But once we tried, we became very adapted to how to wear it. For beginners, it will take about 20 minutes, but for third-timer, probably 10 minutes. And this time calculation is based on the help of the other person. Self wearing might take longer time. 

The yukata we received were very beautiful. Mine was a black base with light dark pink and white flowers. Ting was with dark blue base and yellow, purple, blue pink flowers. Her yukata is more light and bright, which makes the person look lively and young. Mine was more "serious" and "heavy", well it suits me, because I like to consider to be serious and mature.  

(See English below)

一下桃園機場，每個人看起來都一模一樣，不誇張，好像每個人都是我的弟弟和妹妹，每個人的髮型也差不多，而且多數是黑髮。

Once I got off from Taoyuan airport, everyone looked the same to me. Not to exaggerate. Everyone looks like my brother or sister, everyone has the same hair style, and mostly black hair.

跟我一到北歐的時候一樣，每個人的臉龐都很立體、凸出，每個人都是金髮碧眼，每個人的身高都和我差不多，看起來都是芭比娃娃或是小王子，她叫安娜她叫莎拉，他叫錄卡他叫派特...

Post what you think is important on facebook, not everything.

放上你覺得是重要的事情在臉書上

而不是所有的事情

When I was in Finland, it was fun to browse the pages, in that most of them were posts from Taiwan. Very seldom my European or American friends posted things. It was always easy to update the lives of my friends back in Taiwan, but not with the Europeans.

當我在芬蘭的時候，能夠流覽所有的頁面真的很有趣，因為大說出現在我的畫面的都是台灣的貼文。少數我的歐洲朋友或美國朋友會貼上東西。通常都很容易了解和更新台灣朋友的生活，但歐洲朋友的就沒有那麼容易。

這幾年不斷接收到朋友的喜訊，許多人結婚、生小孩，或是生小孩、結婚，喜帖一張一張的累積起來，可惜的是身處在芬蘭唸書的我，一直沒有機會參加朋友的婚禮，只好讓喜帖在家裡面堆積。

在台灣時，許多人都會用結婚做為交往的前提，很多女性朋友會慎重挑選，從各個方面精挑細選，學歷、長相、身高、家世背景、工作等等，很多女性因此執著於單身，或是幾乎沒有談過戀愛，不是因為他們周遭沒有對象，而是沒有一個可以以結婚為前提的對象，很多時後他們會認為，如果不是以結婚為前提交往，就等於是浪費時間，浪費自己的青春，浪費自己跟其他人的交往可能，而大多數的女性多半在大學時期就有這樣的想法，到了25、26歲，仍舊有這樣的念頭。

在歐洲，觀念完全不一樣，我所認識的大學年紀的歐洲男生、女生，多半有「我還年輕，要趁機多多嘗試」的想法，因為年輕，就應該多多認識異性，多和不同的人認識，進而交往，「況且我不會想要耽誤對方時間，如果不喜歡了，就直接說「我不愛了」再去找下一個。義大利朋友表示大家都很直率、坦白，講清楚也比較不會拖泥帶水。「如果我不趁著現在多嘗試，怎麼知道自己適合或不適合什麼，總不能一直用想像的去猜測，畢竟那個實際的經驗還是有很大的差別啊。」

「如果等到適婚的年齡，到時沒有戀愛經驗，找對象的時候對方也會很無言吧，沒有人會想要跟沒經驗的人在一起啊!總是要有幾次經驗，才懂的怎麼談戀愛呀。」

「二十幾歲就結婚，也太早了，要不是很確定、認識很久，要不然可能有其他原因。」許多德國、芬蘭朋友都會這樣跟我說，又因為在歐洲男女每個人都很獨立自主，不需要其他人的陪伴，大多數的人對於寂寞、孤單都很能忍耐，也擁有許多個人興趣和投入的工作。

Do it whatever you want it to be

隨心所欲的做你要的口味

I’ve been making my own chocolates for some time, the main reason is that I don’t find chocolates with nuts or honey so easily in FINLAND. Also, either they are too sweet or too bitter for me in the markets. When I eat those with low cocoa, I could not stop eating due to the sugar to the chocolates. However, 70% is also too much for me, in that the chocolate lingered so long on the tongue I could barely swallow them.

有一段時間我都自己做巧克力，主要是因為我在市面上很難找到我要的巧克力，那種有堅果和蜂蜜的，在芬蘭找不到。還有他們不是太甜就是太苦澀，當我吃這些低可可粉高糖的巧克力，我停不下來，因為巧克力裡面的糖分，但是七成可可的巧克力又太苦，會卡在舌頭上，很難吞嚥。

So I decided to make my own chocolate. I thought it would be difficult. But hey, it’s super easy and fast.

 
(See Chinese below中文在下方)

My butt is not made for sitting, so I work pretty much most of the time at the standing station, or I put my laptop on the chair and work in standing.
Since that research shows that...

shows in prolonged sitting, the fluid shifts were really difficult because the muscles were inactive to pump the blood/lymphoid flows back.1 hour of exercise per day cannot compensate the whole day inactivity. There’s an increase of metabolic diseases, lower insulin responses from the studies (Duvivier et al, 2013). Any postures in a prolonged time is unnatural and unhealthy (since humans are not made for working in front of computers or stay in a same position for a long time)

在北歐，到處都是金髮碧眼，胸部至少C罩杯的美女們，加上來自歐洲其他地方的女同學從小多吃起司、喝牛奶，各個發育非常好，前凸後翹，我看的很羨慕，慢慢建立起的信心偶爾會塌陷下去。

芬蘭女人天生膚質好，翹臀與豐滿的身材，加上平時都在鍛鍊深蹲、舉重，肌肉線條漂亮，身材曲線更加突出，我在學校運動過後，進洗澡間洗三溫暖(sauna)，總會忍不住看看全裸的女人們，一邊稱讚身材完美的女人，一邊觀察是不是有和我一樣，胸部是平坦的，遊走在A或B罩杯之間的女人。

的確有，但是比例不高，這些女人大多高瘦纖細，胸部小但是挺立，胸部的形狀很漂亮，多是碗狀，加上肌肉鍛鍊的關係，這些女人還是會有小小的乳溝(是的，即使是我，我也是有乳溝的，笑)，甚至有些時後，這些女人進到健身房是不穿運動內衣，直接穿上運動服，小小的激突，給人一種無限的遐想。

我有時也會因為懶惰、舒服不穿運動內衣，大辣辣的跑去健身房舉重、跑步，很多時後，我發現，男人會盯著你看。有一次和身材非常好的西班牙朋友碰面時，她那帥氣高大的男朋友眼睛直接掃過我的胸部，當下我非常不服輸，總覺得自己輸了(到了國外這種事情還要比，果然是亞洲人的競爭心態…)，心裡猜測對方大概是覺得: 這女孩胸部怎麼這麼平坦!如此的扁平!

甚至還有金髮帥哥竊笑，告訴我說，妳的胸部怎麼跟我(練出來的胸肌)的一樣大啊! 我建立到一半的身體信心頓時又充滿了無奈，覺得這真是講求胸器的時代，上天真是不公平啊。直到我直接開口問歐洲男人，究竟小胸部是怎麼一回事，我才了解到…

有許多的情慾文學並非文學，都只是感官上的豐富描寫，它們是情色文章，純粹引發你的慾望，讓你在書桌前、電腦前自我撫摸慾望本身，你不必思考也不必擔心，不用帶你的腦袋，男女皆同，帶著你的下半身就好了，用你身為動物的那一面即可。

幸好，在情慾文學中，還是有為讓人欣慰的作家，她叫做艾姬，艾姬專門寫情慾小說的，原本是長篇小說，因為工作繁忙，文章越來越短，乾脆就寫起短篇小說，是一種自我挑戰，對讀者來說也是一種享受。

她的極短篇讓我常常會心一笑，諷刺的東西並不是很難理解，使用的文字也不艱澀。用簡單文字表達一切的作家，她擅長營造氣氛，當氛圍推到最高點，她忽然拿起牙籤輕輕戳破。

看她寫的文章，再一次覺得當情慾文學作家需要長期的培養和磨練，有些人容易流連感官的描寫，有些人容易把自己投射在裡面，有些人容易因為慾望而忘記主軸，有些人容易寫得很深入卻漏掉情感的互動。

不管怎麼說，情慾文學都是不容易書寫的。其實任何文學都是，但情慾文學特別困難，這也是為什麼我一直想寫，想了很久，卻也沒寫幾篇，但我願意以書寫情慾文學為目標。

連續好多天都做惡夢，很久沒有經歷這樣的狀況，睡眠的情形也不太好，整個人呈現很疲憊，也許是常常覺得周遭人給我很多的期待，要我做那件事情，或做這件事情，以至於強迫自己去做某件事情，為的是讓別人開心，但同時也讓自己疲於奔波。

我發現自己對自己真的很嚴厲呢! 不管是思想上、行為上，總是要求自己要做到90分，某一方面是來自於我父母的影響，另一方面是對自己的期許，當我看到周遭有些人不用付出那麼多的努力就得到我想要的東西，我一定會感到很生氣，但同時我也在注意這樣的情緒，因為那就是我所羨慕的，不用刻意的去強迫自己也可以得到自己想要的東西。

這是在芬蘭我一直在學習的，只要去追求你想要的東西，做你喜歡做的事情，過程中當然還是要努力學習，比起追求卓越，追求快樂顯得比較重要。

而我對自己的期許總是很高，不知道是從父母親那裡學習來的，還是從老師、同學，那種期望自己表現得很好，期望自己可以做到某種程度，其實這種期望並沒有不好，這種責任感也沒有什麼錯，但如果因此給自己很大的壓力，陷入一種非這樣不可，非那樣不可，甚至讓壓力影響到生活，常常感到疲憊、倦怠，想要逃避，靠著吃東西、抽煙或喝酒來減輕壓力，或許這樣的期待就變成了另一種問題。

現在我在練習放下別人對我的期待，只要全心全意的做自己。

我第一次見到J的朋友們，是在西班牙馬德里，他們是一群在夏令營工作的夥伴，連續兩個月在沒有收訊的山上帶小朋友，所以感情非常親近，超乎情人之間，已經是有點像是家人兄弟姐妹之間的關係。

是如何的親近呢?

老實說我第一次在他們的聚會上著實嚇到，聚會地點是在J的夏日小屋，夏日小屋有游泳池、客房、庭院，是典型的西班牙夏日小屋。大家坐著吃著西班牙食物馬鈴薯煎蛋，一邊喝著夏日酒Sangria(紅酒、果汁加上柳橙、柑橘類水果)，大家都還沒有喝醉。

這時一個女孩坐在一群男孩的大腿上，他們抱著她的腿，她撫摸著他們的頭髮，我看的好驚訝，朋友J跟我解釋說男女之間，擁抱是很一般的，互相抱來抱去也是，而且加上他們是超級好朋友，在夏令營互相幫忙，兩個月都是一整天在一起，但他們除了是朋友外，沒有其他關係。

我忍不住問了旁邊的女生，她和我解釋，在他們的觀念裡，只要是好朋友就可以碰來碰去，抱來抱去都不代表什麼，從後面抱、從正面抱、從側面抱，都是一樣的，還可以互相摸頭髮，那到底怎樣才叫做男女朋友？她跟我解釋說，如果有接吻，那就代表了什麼，尤其是沒有喝酒時的接吻。