“L'amour est aveugle,” I kept persuaded myself. I did not like to make a fool of myself. Not to mention being a fool. But the sad fact was, I was a fool who did not admit so.
It is certainly very interesting how I found this connection between Pride and Prejudice. I was watching the enchanting movie this afternoon at the gorgeous library. Keira Knightley was a truly beauty. Indeed, she’s always been a fascinating actor from Britain and her role as Elizabeth Bennet was very well-played.
Around the end of the movie, Mr. Darcy was at Elizabeth ’s house to make his proposal. As soon as Elizabeth entered the room, her father was dubious of the intention for marriage. Of course he had doubts, since it was seemingly an impossible thing for his most clever and elegant daughter to fall in love with a man she hardly praised, not to mention saying yes to Mr Dracy’s proposal. “We are very similar, papa,” she smiled,”We are both very stubborn.” At her remarks, I curled my lips a little. Love? I shall never think of such thing. For I, who am too pride of me and too prejudice of others, should be hard to find someone fit for the position. And yes, love sure had its way finding me; perhaps a few times.
Feudalism was also a main part of the movie. Mr. Dracy was a master that inherited Pemberley, a grand place of castles, farms and ponds. After Elizabeth’s visit with her aunt and uncle to Pemberley(they thought he wouldn’t be there), Elizabeth's charms eventually captured Mr. Darcy, leading him to finally declare his love for her "against his own will" and his desire to marry her in spite of her objectionable family, which was not wealthy and in a lower social status. His pride was based on his role he took on and I was shocked to find how long I had been affected by feudal system, the one that transformed into the various colleges and majors in today’s society. I’d been refrained from many things because of fear to speak to people that seemed better with higher scores. My dignity wouldn’t allow me to say anything. I was afraid to expose my ignorance when I opened my mouth. Furthermore, I was teased a few times of making stupid speeches in front of the whole classmates. I had reasons to remain silence. I was kind of approved of Jane Austin (the author of Pride and Prejudice) on the matches of couples having equality in various respects, including wealth, social status, love and character.
When love knocked on my door, I tried every possibility to frighten it off. I tried as hard as I could to distinguish strong and sudden eager of the fire. I could not bear the feelings, just like Mr. Dracy. He could not tolerate the harsh and inflammable emotions for Elizabeth . He, however, did confess it urgently, in a very wrong and impolite way, due to his pride and dignity. Like him, I did feel the earnest need to do so when I chatted with Mr. Bénite. He was a mad resemblance of me the instant we talked in a generous way. Somehow things merely turned out to be impropriate when humans were in a terrible rush. Elizabeth was hurt and surprised to find this passion from a man she already harbored prejudice on. I was quite sure she used to be interested in him, but the feelings faded via time and through all the misunderstandings between her and Mr.Dracy.
As you can see, I could not believe I would be falling for Mr. Bénite. There was a distance and a huge gap between us. We were not suitable and definitely would end up miserable. The proof for this? I was not good enough. I was not standing where I should be. I couldn’t match his major. “What is your problem? Ah, I know. It’s your prejudice!” Mia laughed at me and told me I shouldn’t ponder in a way like that. “It does not matter. I know you are very fond of him and relish the time spent with him because you were attracted to each other.” She swore to me. “No, I do not think he think it this way. He would think I am well, you know, in another way. ” I insisted on relinquishing whatever it was there inside me. The solid bond I felt each time I talked to him… Ration caught me to prevent me to think further. I took control of my imagination. We were all fools in love. And for me, being a fool was spontaneously unacceptable. I would not allow myself to be in a situation like that. It made me sick to picture a silly girl in love, especially myself. That was surely ridiculous. Look at those who fell in love. How stupid and intolerable it was: the constant laughing, the crazy wild ideas, the relentless impulse… all of those were not on the lists of my behavior. I could not allow myself to be in this kind of affair. My dear and amiable pride, thank you for making me so rational---I denied all feelings.
At the same time, Mr. Dracy and Miss Elizabeth grew within every flesh and bone of mine. I tried to keep love away, but it had its strategy of breathing through my window. An unpleasant guest, I must say. Love, I couldn’t measure how hard it hit me though. The feelings were hard to resist, and once you tasted a bit, you were addicted. Like a drug, though I had never had a bit of it. Like a leech, sucking the fresh blood out of me. Thank goodness my intelligence came along, well, the entire time meeting up beseech of help.
Nevertheless, all in all, love was swept out my front door. Goodbye love, never to see you again. I had learned so much during the toughest period and I was wounded severely. It did not matter. I was still here, writing down the details and revising my opinions of Mr. Bénite. I knew him too well to be fond of him. And I did not expect anything for relationship. It was gone. And I was in a sheer delight to know this. But this was something I learned: my pride and prejudice make me foolish.